My College Journey

What am I doing?clueless man

In every post I like to start off telling you what I am going to talk about and why I am doing it. In this post I am picking up from my where I left off previously. So to continue, I am going to be talking with you about my college journey in more depth and will be breaking it down by year:

  1. Freshman
  2. Sophomore
  3. Junior
  4. Senior

freshmanFreshman year

In my High School post, I talked about my ability to adapt/blend in to essentially become part of any friend group I desired. I hopped around a few different friend groups in high school, but landed on this pretty popular group during my last 2 years.

I roomed in college with one of the leaders of the group that I became a part of. I had such a strong willpower towards things If I felt I did not want to do them…or so I thought. I was fine with drinking, but always against drugs…within the first week of college, I caved to my friend’s peer pressure and tried weed for the first time. I did it just to check it off the list and figured I would move on. It didn’t really do anything for me the first time, but I gave it another try a week or two later and then felt the effects.

It was kind of fun, but still not super appealing to me and so I caved with my wavering willpower, I only smoked a handful of times as a freshman-less than 10 times if I had to attach a number to it. I felt this was pretty good considering my roommate and suite mate were smoking all the time, just about every day.

However, by this time, the drinking and partying were way more up my alley. I drank in high school some but not a lot, usually just at parties on the weekends and I didn’t go to a ton of parties. But now that I was a freshman in college at one of the top party schools in the nation – that is all I wanted to do. I had already met my need for having a girlfriend so at this point I was just focused on going out with friends, drinking (more like getting wasted), and having a good time.

That was pretty much the extent of my experience as a freshman at college. Sure, there are some stories and other things that I could go into, but when it’s all said and done-all of it stemmed from this core lifestyle I was living. I don’t know if being able to sum up my freshman year at college in roughly 4 paragraphs is sad or impressive. I’d say it’s a little bit of both, but more sad than anything else lol.

Sophomore yearsophomore

During my sophomore year, I was able to take my college freedom to another level…living off campus! 😀 I had decided to live off-campus with my roommate again and 2 girls from high school that we knew. I know what you’re thinking but nothing happened between us, we were all just close friends at the time. If you remember from my last post, I had a pretty awful thing happen to me. Well, that took place in the summer before my sophomore year.

Halfway through sophomore year is when I finally broke off the relationship I had with my girlfriend. I shared this story in my previous post, mentioned above. That was the biggest highlight (not a good one) of my sophomore year and since I already shared that in full detail there, you can now go back and read it with context of the timeline when it took place.

So what else took place during my sophomore year? Well, I still maintained a relatively low level of smoking similar to that of freshman year because now the living situation was different. The girls didn’t smoke either, so now the number of non-smokers vs. smokers was 3 to 1. This gave me the upper hand and I didn’t feel as much of a peer-pressure effect, which was nice.

As for partying, drinking, and  having sex…that was all still going on for me. All of that was going on for the first half of the year, but when I broke up with my girlfriend, I was no longer having sex, but still going out partying and drinking regularly.

There’s something about the feeling of betrayal and being cheated on that destroys your self-worth, self-image, and everything positive that you use to view about yourself. Going back to the single life was a rough place for me because it brought me back to square one of my biggest insecurity.

Being single and alone all over again and reflecting on the fact that I was never able to get a girlfriend all through high school – those thoughts were flooding me and haunting me all over again, telling me the same things I thought back then-That I’m not good enough, no girl would want to date me, etc.

 

To be continuedCollege – the 2nd half

Please continue to part two for the 2nd half of my college journey. There’s a LOT that happens here and I hope you can relate to some of the trials, identity issues, and pain I struggled with in my life at college.

Questions? Concerns? Something on your mind? Simply want to share? Drop a comment below or email at: matt@fulfillmentinlife.com

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2 thoughts on “My College Journey

  1. Emily

    hi Matthew
    your honesty is truly refreshing. I just love it. To be open about your life, what it was like, the highs and the lows. That’s not easy. But it can be really helpful to others and to the person sharing. High school and college can both be trying times. We are still discovering ourselves and our self esteem is not always the best. For you to open up about those struggles is admirable. I will be reading part 2 🙂

    Reply
    1. Matt Post author

      Thank you Emily, it is so refreshing and nice to see you checking out my story and navigating through the site 🙂 I am really grateful for that! You are absolutely right about the self esteem part haha. Let me know your thoughts on part 2!

      Reply

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